Whether She will get Married Ever !

March 22, 2018

Every now and then I come across somebody who is in quest of some Answers but please don't ask me of  What exactly. Have you ever tried writing about somebody life? I bet, you struggled to write a first few lines and might have taken an hour to put your thoughts and their feeling in words to exactly as natural as real in nature. The same thing is happing with me here at this moment when I am trying to put her feelings into words and at the same time, questions are hunting inside my mind -" why people give their time to read my shit when they even have no time for themselves? who the hell am I to write about anybody and give my opinion on that? Who cares about my feelings, writings, and story? Why am I wasting my time here writing about somebody whom I am not gonna met again and possibly she doesn't matter in my life? But why is it so that one part of my mind always force me to write my thoughts without caring about the world but on another hand, another part of mind says - Why people will read your story when they can listen to similar things on YouTube and other social media platform?


                    Let it be - I will write, I had let go many stories like this but from now on more. I had stopped myself so long but now its high time. I will write for those who are alive in eyes of society but dead from within. I will write for those who feel similar kind of symptoms but console themselves that they are not affected. I will write for those who even don't care but will care after reading this.


It was the month of January -Unlike every other person I was busy figuring out the exact passion and career for me after a long year gap of a personal incident that brought to me in a situation of " Hand to mouth". I got a call from my ex-manager from my first company about a Travel Guide  Assignment in Delhi for a couple of days. I accepted it thinking, in this way, I will get a chance to come out from my monotonous life.  The very next day I had to go for this assignment so I prepared myself refreshing the History of Delhi and its monuments. I was all set for the next day. finally, the day came, I met the client, she was a woman who was in her 30's. I started my day gradually moving to the monuments and explaining facts and figure and in this way, she started opening to me and gradually I came to know the purpose of her visit to India-She came for short of "Spiritual Tourism" and Yoga retreat. From somewhere she had listened to Yoga and spirituality and its positive effects in Life. She was not exactly here to see monuments, so whenever she finds the time -" She asked me about Spirituality, Life, Yoga, Relationships, and society. Gradually I started figuring out what exactly she is in search off but I was trying to be professional and resisting myself to become personal and say directly to her " What is happening in your Life exactly that brought you here in search of the answer? She was trying to hide her feelings and pain but asking it in form of a general query to me.  What is Spirituality, she asked me? I paused for a moment and thought -"What i answer her exactly, if i would say her -"Spirituality is nothing but a stage in our Life where you are capable of figuring out the reason of Emotions, reasons of Sadness, happiness and sorrow in your own Life and others", she might start going in depth of it and bombard me several questions and in this short time period I can't satisfy her. So, I replied it is nothing but a Stage in once Life. She was about to ask " What stage ?" but I diverted her putting a question. I knew that she will surely gonna ask this. But before that, I need to know her little bit so that I can answer her accordingly and in this way, she will get the answer to the hidden question that is inside her mind. I asked her saying " See, I know it is too personal but may I dare to ask you " What exactly you will you find after Yoga retreat and Meditation? I never met anybody before who came to India on a One month Long trip especially for "Yoga and medications "( while talking I got to know she is here for a month)? Why exactly are you investing so much money in this? She suddenly opened up to me and started narrating stories of Her Life. Long story short- She was here to figure out the root cause of the problems she is going through. She was here to get rid of pain she was feeling inside of her mind. She was here in search of a  perfect Man for herself (I found it later).she was here to get rid of the pain she is having above her Waist because of her growing age. Will she find the treatment for this problem?  


                       I was not about that so I suggest her some Books and talks of OSHO and in this way, we exchanged the Whats-app number. After that day she constantly kept in my contact and kept me updated about her trip and experience about the place she visited and the treatment she was going through. Finally, the day came when she has to return to her country back, so the day she returned Delhi, requested me to meet her. I accepted and we met and I came to know -This trip has helped her a lot to Understand Life. She mentioned that "How the Lifestyle of India is different from her back home. She also mentioned -People here in India, despite hardship are lively. She kept on saying - How she find -"Indian Society is more through Emotional bond" and how her society is "More towards Individuality".(Here I must add- I am not saying that Indian society is best. I agree it to has its own drawback. ). I noticed a change in her that day- A lot has changed inside her but not all. she mentioned to me although her trip to India is a success still she is struggling with her emotions and questions. Now, I couldn't stop myself - I told her that you need to write your thoughts either on paper or to someone. You need to be like an open-Book in front of somebody you trust( if you won't find one make Dairy your best friends and vomit out whatever inside you). There is no other way apart from this.Once you write your mind on paper, you will see changes in your behaviors and find lightness inside you and who knows in this process of writing you will get answers to many of your questions automatically. Try this, I told her. But I told myself she is not gonna do it-Human nature-Because we have no time for ourselves but for rest of the mundane things. And exactly same thing happened-After a month she contacted me one day via Whats-app and when I asked to have you written something. The answer was much anticipated- she said "No", I couldn't find what I write! That is the main problem- We humans can't write a single word about oneself but can write a book on other or talk about other like we know more than they know their selves.Our conversations go on and it felt like we just started talking. One thing I want to admit-" If this conversation was with any of my male friend chances were we both would get bored.But thanks to that Almighty who made Male and Female and put a worm in form of opposite attraction inside us.Time passes and she kept on revealing her secret of Life-" How many times she falls in a relationship? What kind of man did she come across? Why she left them or they left her? How was her childhood and how her mother used to be so fearful and how she lived her life in stress? How man approaches her just to Fuck her? How she now fears that she will not find a man for her? How doesn't she want a kid? How she met a man in India on her trip and after some meeting, he went into silent mode and kept himself aside from Her? How is the living example of her relative impacting her life? Now she lives in a fear that whether she will find a man of her choice ever? Her growing age and loneliness?  Her society where no has time for her to console her or hold her if she falls or fears.How did she start blaming ever a man as the same? She asked me" Whether she is not a Good Woman? Why don't people stay in her life Longer? Why everybody cheats her? I thought who the hell I am to define the character of her or anybody ? I know only one thing No one is wrong in his or her personal Life but the situations.We always look for other person fault but never look within our-self. Balance is needed in every stage of Life - Whether it is Love, Family, Relations, Kids, Society, Country, or Profession. There are situations in our life when we are knowing that we are not wrong but we have to accept it for others so that a balance should be maintained. But up-to what extent that one has to define not any third person can help in this. We, humans, have a nature to search for negativity to satisfy our thoughts we are the main cause of our all Suffering. Finding Positiveness in other person is as tough as searching for God and its existence. Stress is such a worse thing in our life that it put you in such situation where neither you are a normal person nor abnormal but Surely MAD in the eyes of Society.Prior to meeting her I was in this illusion that these things only exist in Our Society and especially in our women Life but gradually I started figuring out that The World is really a Global village where people are just different in sake of the Religion but eternally the Problems and way of thinking and living is almost similar and but problem some cunning people who are ruling this world not want to let people think of themselves. Because if you have time for yourself and you get to know yourself who then gonna ruled over You !


I want to Leave you for now with This Quotations :


“ We’re on fire. We may not know that we’are on fire. We have to put that fire out. We are burning with Desire. We are burning with a graving. Everything about us is Out of control.”

                                    -Lord Buddha


                                 So, if anyway (You -My dear Readers) came to this end, Please comment your feeling and Judge my opinion and Share if you like it.




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© Amrendra Anupam